there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
