i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
