Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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