I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
