If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
