Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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