there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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