I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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