She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
