Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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