He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize