After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
