It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize