my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
