last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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