I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
