he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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