I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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