I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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