There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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