Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
