So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
