Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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