rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
