The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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