you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
