Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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