I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
