Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
