96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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