When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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