Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
