so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's great music for shaving your balls
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
