Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
