i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
