I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
