Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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