i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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