Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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