OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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