next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
