A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
