Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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