The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
