so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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