we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You pole danced in your parka.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
