Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
