HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
