finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
