Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
