Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
