I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
