Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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