wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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