Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
