Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
