dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
