youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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