Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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