My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
