The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
