i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
