I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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