i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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